I promised myself that I would forget the bad things that happen to me. In principle,it's a good thing to not hang onto bad experiences. It only makes you miserable and anxious. However there was one incident that I cannot shake from my mind. It happened in the office one Christmas. We were all winding down, lots of happy people, pretty noisy as I recall. I had had a particularly bad six months and was leaving the office to join another office in a nearby office block. I had been experiencing the worst that people have to offer and quite frankly as glad to be leaving, not that the new office was going to be any better.
I had gone into the office managers office to say that the move was not personal and that I would be back when the jobs needed it. I was met with a disinterested grunt. Went back to my desk to pick up the remnants of my stuff. By this time the 2 managers were standing together. I as ready to leave. I walked over to the door and as I passed the managers I said goodbye. The office manager flippantly remarked 'just go if you are going'. It was said with such anger, hatred and malice. It meant, go and don't come back. I was so shocked that the tears welled up. I left feeling raw, even betrayed.
I got to the new office my boss asked me what happened, so I told him. He wanted HR involved immediately but I said I wasn't interested. During the afternoon the situation grew into a mountain. HR was alerted to the problem. I thought it was something that I had to get away from it all...I went home. That afternoon my boss said that it wasn't over, he was insistent that HR should question the office manager and as there was a witness, it would be an open/shut case. I on the other hand, just wanted the whole thing to blow over. I did want an apology from the office manager as this was the second time he had 'abused ' his position. Of course, what I didn't know was that he would later repeat the same performance with another member of staff.
When we came back from our break I asked HR to set up a meeting with the office manager, the manager who heard it, myself and HR. This was duly done. I looked the office manager in the eye and asked 'why did you say what you did?' He looked at me and coldly said..'I didn't say anything to you' I asked the manager 'witness' to repeat what happened that day.... He looked at me and said 'nothing happened' he (office manager) just came to say goodbye and that was all.
What do you do when you are faced with two senior people, conspiring with each other to lie and make the victim look like a liar. Shocking. The manager spent one afternoon, prior to the Christmas break ranting and yelling how much he hated the office manager. He shouted out that the manager didn't have a life and more expressive explitives' Then spent the morning in question defending the bloke and making me look the liar.
Several months later I returned to the office to continue working on the previous project. The office manager don't want me there but I was given a desk near the manager. Some time later we all moved to a new building. The manager ranted that he didn't want to be anywhere near the office manger. He told anyone who would listen how much he hated him.
One morning the manager knelt near my desk and began to apologise for what he did. But shockingly he added 'if you tell HR about this apology I will deny everything'. What's the point? There is nobody to tell who will be on my side so I had to let it out in my blog.
Now I can forget and move on with my life. The pain is locked up now and I can stretch myself and grow. Just one question I can ask 'why lie when it causes such pain?' I think I know the answer. Apart from trying to 'protect' the office manager as the incident would be recorded and it may impact his pending promotion...both rewarded for shocking behaviour. I think it goes back to childhood. When a child does something wrong we as adults ask the child to tell the truth. The child knows he is in trouble and will be punished, so he says 'I didn't do anything' So we stress that the child should tell the truth. This may go on for a while. Then we tell the child that nothing will happen to him if he tells the truth...so he does...what is the reaction we have...well we punish the child for the deed...however the child directly associates the punishment with the telling of the truth...so as adults lying when confronted, especially if there is a consequence!!!!!!!
Guys.....the truth will set you free but I'll still tell HR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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