I promised myself that I would forget the bad things that happen to me. In principle,it's a good thing to not hang onto bad experiences. It only makes you miserable and anxious. However there was one incident that I cannot shake from my mind. It happened in the office one Christmas. We were all winding down, lots of happy people, pretty noisy as I recall. I had had a particularly bad six months and was leaving the office to join another office in a nearby office block. I had been experiencing the worst that people have to offer and quite frankly as glad to be leaving, not that the new office was going to be any better.
I had gone into the office managers office to say that the move was not personal and that I would be back when the jobs needed it. I was met with a disinterested grunt. Went back to my desk to pick up the remnants of my stuff. By this time the 2 managers were standing together. I as ready to leave. I walked over to the door and as I passed the managers I said goodbye. The office manager flippantly remarked 'just go if you are going'. It was said with such anger, hatred and malice. It meant, go and don't come back. I was so shocked that the tears welled up. I left feeling raw, even betrayed.
I got to the new office my boss asked me what happened, so I told him. He wanted HR involved immediately but I said I wasn't interested. During the afternoon the situation grew into a mountain. HR was alerted to the problem. I thought it was something that I had to get away from it all...I went home. That afternoon my boss said that it wasn't over, he was insistent that HR should question the office manager and as there was a witness, it would be an open/shut case. I on the other hand, just wanted the whole thing to blow over. I did want an apology from the office manager as this was the second time he had 'abused ' his position. Of course, what I didn't know was that he would later repeat the same performance with another member of staff.
When we came back from our break I asked HR to set up a meeting with the office manager, the manager who heard it, myself and HR. This was duly done. I looked the office manager in the eye and asked 'why did you say what you did?' He looked at me and coldly said..'I didn't say anything to you' I asked the manager 'witness' to repeat what happened that day.... He looked at me and said 'nothing happened' he (office manager) just came to say goodbye and that was all.
What do you do when you are faced with two senior people, conspiring with each other to lie and make the victim look like a liar. Shocking. The manager spent one afternoon, prior to the Christmas break ranting and yelling how much he hated the office manager. He shouted out that the manager didn't have a life and more expressive explitives' Then spent the morning in question defending the bloke and making me look the liar.
Several months later I returned to the office to continue working on the previous project. The office manager don't want me there but I was given a desk near the manager. Some time later we all moved to a new building. The manager ranted that he didn't want to be anywhere near the office manger. He told anyone who would listen how much he hated him.
One morning the manager knelt near my desk and began to apologise for what he did. But shockingly he added 'if you tell HR about this apology I will deny everything'. What's the point? There is nobody to tell who will be on my side so I had to let it out in my blog.
Now I can forget and move on with my life. The pain is locked up now and I can stretch myself and grow. Just one question I can ask 'why lie when it causes such pain?' I think I know the answer. Apart from trying to 'protect' the office manager as the incident would be recorded and it may impact his pending promotion...both rewarded for shocking behaviour. I think it goes back to childhood. When a child does something wrong we as adults ask the child to tell the truth. The child knows he is in trouble and will be punished, so he says 'I didn't do anything' So we stress that the child should tell the truth. This may go on for a while. Then we tell the child that nothing will happen to him if he tells the truth...so he does...what is the reaction we have...well we punish the child for the deed...however the child directly associates the punishment with the telling of the truth...so as adults lying when confronted, especially if there is a consequence!!!!!!!
Guys.....the truth will set you free but I'll still tell HR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Tribute to Tuppence
Life has a way of keeping you grounded. During the month of December our hearts were broken twice. First John's aunt died after an illness and that was difficult enough. The funeral was a quiet one, mostly family and a few friends. It was sad to know that we had intended to visit her but life just kept on getting in the way. If it wasn't a puppy then it was a wedding and then the end of year festivities. Life, it has a way of being there.
During 2010, Tuppy, our beloved seal point Persian showed signs of wanting to shy away from everyone and everything. He took to sleeping on the top step, rolled up in a ball. He didn't want to come up on the bed for grooming or stroking, he just wanted to be on his own. Now really that in itself doesn't mean much except maybe he took exception to me scolding him for howling at 4am in the morning when John was trying to sleep! For me I didn't mind if he howled all night, hang in fact I encouraged it by teaching him to howl 'hello' a sort of 'owlhool' came out really loudly. I thought it was cute...John just thought it was annoying....especially at 4am! I'll never know for sure what started Tuppy's strange behaviour, all I thought was that he was ill and was 'waiting to die'. Ridiculous reasoning really but I knew there wasn't long to go.
Let me start at the beginning.... Tuppy was born on 22nd April 1997 up in Mossley..the hills where the moors are...really cold and bleak. We drove there one afternoon after a week long discussion about moggie vs pedigree...pedigree won the day! When John sat down in the lounge a little fur bundle wobbled over and sat in his lap and promptly went to sleep. I on the other hand did the research thing...mother, father, surroundings...smell of urine etc. You know those things you do when parting with a lot of cash for a pet. The parents were beautiful persians, big bones and healthy looking. Dad was well built and not fat but heavy enough, mom was cute as a button, long silky hair and the sweetest meow you'll ever hear.
When we returned to the lounge there was John reading the newspaper with a little fur ball on his lap....' I guess we'll have that one then' I said. I really wanted both the kittens but didn't have more money so we settled for Tuppence.
He was sick from the moment we got home. Sneezing and coughing with lids covering half his eyes. You see I saw the parents but forgot to check the kids for fleas, colds, running eyes, nose etc. We took him to the vet for a once over and the vet suggested we have him put down as he had feline influenza. The words that strike fear in any breeder. That illness can run through breeding cats and destroy them in weeks. I asked the vet if he was in pain, no pain, I wasn't going to end his life. And that was that. He survived for 13 years and 8 months good going for a cat that was for the most part quite ill.
He fell out the upstairs window at around 4 months old piercing his eye on a thorn. 4 days into our honeymoon we came home because we were more lonely without him and we were concerned about leaving him at the vets for 2 weeks. We began going on holiday in turns because we didn't want to put him in a cattery and get a cold again and end up dying while we were away.
He was the most lovable cat you could wish for. He played games of fetch the ball of paper, chasing mice (toy ones!) Rolled in the catnip I planted, hid under bushes and would jump out at you. I think his best party trick was to let you know when he had used the loo. A loud long meow followed by irrational jumping up doors or dashing about wildly if he had made a solid deposit...or a squeak if it was damp! He would hang around to make sure you were on the case and if you didn't clean up straight away he would remind you quite loudly.
He never liked coming into the lounge and not being able to see my face. If I was seated and using a lap desk he would sit by my legs and stroke my trouser leg and squeak. He was relentless and it would go on for a long while until I set aside what I was doing, got up walked around the coffee table and sat down with him and stroked him...well for as long as he wanted...and that could be a long time! If I went back to my seat and resumed what I was doing he would come back and squeak and stroke my trouser leg until the whole process was repeated. I didn't mind giving him attention, especially in the last 6 months as I had a feeling he was going to die. In fact I didn't begrudge him any attention at any time, even in the middle of the night...I could never ignore him...I loved him too much. Poor John, lately he has had to take a back seat to the cat but I don't think he resented it too much, well maybe in the beginning.
At the beginning of December 2010, we had finally got his eye clear so he could see out of both eyes...it was nothing short of a miracle. That day I asked the vet about his strange behaviour and if he was showing signs of preparing to die. The vet looked at me as if I was off my head...why would an apparently well cat be dying? I went away thinking maybe I was thinking too much and not paying enough attention to the here and now but it was still in the back of my mind. Then we had John's aunt's funeral and we were approaching the holidays.
Christmas day came and Tuppy was brought down to the lounge. He sat under the coffee table on a rolled up piece of velvet. He hadn't eaten for around 20 hours and we were worried about him. John gave him a plate of shredded duck and Tuppy tucked into it with gusto...we relaxed a bit...he had eaten. He also had a teaspoon of custard and some water. He went onto the balcony, howled at the moon and came back in...promptly going back to his bed at the top of the stairs. John and I took turns giving him attention and stroking him...he purred like an engine.
On boxing day he hadn't eaten but he did drink water. He nosed around in his biscuits maybe having one or two....but went back to his bed and slept. By this time we had had his food and water etc right next to his bed on the top landing so he didn't need to go far for food etc. The 26th and 27th were not much different. On the 28th I was really getting worried and said to John that when the vets opened the next day we should make an appointment to have him checked out. On Wednesday the 29th we took him to the vets, he had lost a full kilogram and for a cat that was a lot...too much in fact. The vet looked at me explaining that the yellow jaundicing which had appeared overnight was his liver and bile duct which may have been blocked. I think he tried to make it sound not too bad by using all the medical terms and not directly saying 'he's dying'. I asked for the long term prognosis and the response was 'not good'. My heart sank.
They tried everything they could to save Tuppy but in the end his liver had no viable parts left and his blood had no clotting ability so even if they wanted to cut away the 'dead' liver parts he would bleed to death. We went to see him everyday, trying to calm him and just give him attention and let him know we hadn't abandoned him. The vets nurse said he was such a loving cat and she would look after him. On the Friday afternoon I wanted to take Tuppy home as I knew it wouldn't be long. I didn't want him to be frightened by the fireworks that night or be alone in a dark room, in a cage. The vet said it would be better for Tuppy if he stayed on the fluid drip.
New years day was not a joyous day for us, John went out to play golf in the morning as I thought it would be good for him to get out a bit as he had been stuck inside for weeks, looking after both myself and the cat. During midday the vet phoned to say that Tuppy had not eaten again and they were not hopeful but they would try vitamin B and an appetite stimulant... the stimulant had worked the day before but was dangerous if done two days in a row. I said they could try but I didn't want Tuppy to suffer. They phoned back around 3pm saying there was no hope, he had taken a turn and his situation was grave, he didn't have much time left. They suggested we put him to sleep.
That drive to the vet hospital was one of the most heartbreaking drives I had experienced, well up there with the drive to my parents house just after my mom had died. All around us people were going about their day each oblivious of anothers pain...it was just another day.
I held Tuppy in my arms and kissed his head, rubbing his nose with mine. He had little strength left, very little energy but he nudged my nose as he had always done. He was calm as he went to his final sleep. His head bowed and his heart stopped...he was gone. Rest in peace little one....
During 2010, Tuppy, our beloved seal point Persian showed signs of wanting to shy away from everyone and everything. He took to sleeping on the top step, rolled up in a ball. He didn't want to come up on the bed for grooming or stroking, he just wanted to be on his own. Now really that in itself doesn't mean much except maybe he took exception to me scolding him for howling at 4am in the morning when John was trying to sleep! For me I didn't mind if he howled all night, hang in fact I encouraged it by teaching him to howl 'hello' a sort of 'owlhool' came out really loudly. I thought it was cute...John just thought it was annoying....especially at 4am! I'll never know for sure what started Tuppy's strange behaviour, all I thought was that he was ill and was 'waiting to die'. Ridiculous reasoning really but I knew there wasn't long to go.
Let me start at the beginning.... Tuppy was born on 22nd April 1997 up in Mossley..the hills where the moors are...really cold and bleak. We drove there one afternoon after a week long discussion about moggie vs pedigree...pedigree won the day! When John sat down in the lounge a little fur bundle wobbled over and sat in his lap and promptly went to sleep. I on the other hand did the research thing...mother, father, surroundings...smell of urine etc. You know those things you do when parting with a lot of cash for a pet. The parents were beautiful persians, big bones and healthy looking. Dad was well built and not fat but heavy enough, mom was cute as a button, long silky hair and the sweetest meow you'll ever hear.
When we returned to the lounge there was John reading the newspaper with a little fur ball on his lap....' I guess we'll have that one then' I said. I really wanted both the kittens but didn't have more money so we settled for Tuppence.
He was sick from the moment we got home. Sneezing and coughing with lids covering half his eyes. You see I saw the parents but forgot to check the kids for fleas, colds, running eyes, nose etc. We took him to the vet for a once over and the vet suggested we have him put down as he had feline influenza. The words that strike fear in any breeder. That illness can run through breeding cats and destroy them in weeks. I asked the vet if he was in pain, no pain, I wasn't going to end his life. And that was that. He survived for 13 years and 8 months good going for a cat that was for the most part quite ill.
He fell out the upstairs window at around 4 months old piercing his eye on a thorn. 4 days into our honeymoon we came home because we were more lonely without him and we were concerned about leaving him at the vets for 2 weeks. We began going on holiday in turns because we didn't want to put him in a cattery and get a cold again and end up dying while we were away.
He was the most lovable cat you could wish for. He played games of fetch the ball of paper, chasing mice (toy ones!) Rolled in the catnip I planted, hid under bushes and would jump out at you. I think his best party trick was to let you know when he had used the loo. A loud long meow followed by irrational jumping up doors or dashing about wildly if he had made a solid deposit...or a squeak if it was damp! He would hang around to make sure you were on the case and if you didn't clean up straight away he would remind you quite loudly.
He never liked coming into the lounge and not being able to see my face. If I was seated and using a lap desk he would sit by my legs and stroke my trouser leg and squeak. He was relentless and it would go on for a long while until I set aside what I was doing, got up walked around the coffee table and sat down with him and stroked him...well for as long as he wanted...and that could be a long time! If I went back to my seat and resumed what I was doing he would come back and squeak and stroke my trouser leg until the whole process was repeated. I didn't mind giving him attention, especially in the last 6 months as I had a feeling he was going to die. In fact I didn't begrudge him any attention at any time, even in the middle of the night...I could never ignore him...I loved him too much. Poor John, lately he has had to take a back seat to the cat but I don't think he resented it too much, well maybe in the beginning.
At the beginning of December 2010, we had finally got his eye clear so he could see out of both eyes...it was nothing short of a miracle. That day I asked the vet about his strange behaviour and if he was showing signs of preparing to die. The vet looked at me as if I was off my head...why would an apparently well cat be dying? I went away thinking maybe I was thinking too much and not paying enough attention to the here and now but it was still in the back of my mind. Then we had John's aunt's funeral and we were approaching the holidays.
Christmas day came and Tuppy was brought down to the lounge. He sat under the coffee table on a rolled up piece of velvet. He hadn't eaten for around 20 hours and we were worried about him. John gave him a plate of shredded duck and Tuppy tucked into it with gusto...we relaxed a bit...he had eaten. He also had a teaspoon of custard and some water. He went onto the balcony, howled at the moon and came back in...promptly going back to his bed at the top of the stairs. John and I took turns giving him attention and stroking him...he purred like an engine.
On boxing day he hadn't eaten but he did drink water. He nosed around in his biscuits maybe having one or two....but went back to his bed and slept. By this time we had had his food and water etc right next to his bed on the top landing so he didn't need to go far for food etc. The 26th and 27th were not much different. On the 28th I was really getting worried and said to John that when the vets opened the next day we should make an appointment to have him checked out. On Wednesday the 29th we took him to the vets, he had lost a full kilogram and for a cat that was a lot...too much in fact. The vet looked at me explaining that the yellow jaundicing which had appeared overnight was his liver and bile duct which may have been blocked. I think he tried to make it sound not too bad by using all the medical terms and not directly saying 'he's dying'. I asked for the long term prognosis and the response was 'not good'. My heart sank.
They tried everything they could to save Tuppy but in the end his liver had no viable parts left and his blood had no clotting ability so even if they wanted to cut away the 'dead' liver parts he would bleed to death. We went to see him everyday, trying to calm him and just give him attention and let him know we hadn't abandoned him. The vets nurse said he was such a loving cat and she would look after him. On the Friday afternoon I wanted to take Tuppy home as I knew it wouldn't be long. I didn't want him to be frightened by the fireworks that night or be alone in a dark room, in a cage. The vet said it would be better for Tuppy if he stayed on the fluid drip.
New years day was not a joyous day for us, John went out to play golf in the morning as I thought it would be good for him to get out a bit as he had been stuck inside for weeks, looking after both myself and the cat. During midday the vet phoned to say that Tuppy had not eaten again and they were not hopeful but they would try vitamin B and an appetite stimulant... the stimulant had worked the day before but was dangerous if done two days in a row. I said they could try but I didn't want Tuppy to suffer. They phoned back around 3pm saying there was no hope, he had taken a turn and his situation was grave, he didn't have much time left. They suggested we put him to sleep.
That drive to the vet hospital was one of the most heartbreaking drives I had experienced, well up there with the drive to my parents house just after my mom had died. All around us people were going about their day each oblivious of anothers pain...it was just another day.
I held Tuppy in my arms and kissed his head, rubbing his nose with mine. He had little strength left, very little energy but he nudged my nose as he had always done. He was calm as he went to his final sleep. His head bowed and his heart stopped...he was gone. Rest in peace little one....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)